Strengthening Relationships: Giving Energy to What’s Working

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on what’s not working in your relationships? As someone who’s spent years working with families, I see it all the time—we get so caught up in the day-to-day stress and frustrations that we forget to notice the good stuff. But recently, I was reminded just how powerful small acts of kindness can be, and how much it matters to call out the good things when we see them.

A little while back, I took a trip to Disney World. One night, while waiting for the fireworks, I noticed a mom and her little one searching for a spot. The place was packed. I shifted over and made room so they could see the show. The mom flashed me a grateful smile, and her kid’s face absolutely lit up as the fireworks went off over the castle. It was a simple, sweet moment.

I didn’t think much more about it until later in the trip when I bumped into them again. This time, the mom stopped me, reached into her bag, and revealed a beautiful ornament —something they’d made before their vacation. She explained they’d brought these ornaments along to give to people who showed them kindness during their trip. “We spent our whole vacation looking for kind people,” she said. “And you gave us such a great moment.” I was blown away by the mindset shift.   Instead of complaining about the person who jumped in front of them in line, or how long the wait was for a ride, or how hot and crowded it was, they were keeping their eyes and ears peeled for acts of kindness.  How joyful their experience must have been!

What If We Looked for the Good—Every Day?

That experience really stuck with me. It’s so easy to focus on what annoys us or what’s not working, but it’s a game-changer when you start looking for the things the people in your life are getting right. In my work, I see relationships transform when people start paying attention to what’s going well and calling it out—even the little stuff.

Here’s a thought: what if, like that mom and her kid, we all made a habit of searching for the good in people? What if we made it a point to mention it out loud when we noticed someone doing something kind or thoughtful? It doesn’t just make the other person feel good—it lifts you up, too.  Does that mean that all the challenges you may experience in relationship with that person just disappear? Definitely not, but it does help you temper your anger or disappointment around what’s not working, allowing you to create a safer space for talking about it.

Easy Ways to Build More Kindness Into Your Relationships

• Notice the nice stuff: Each day, try to spot at least one kind thing someone does. It could be tiny, like a smile, or bigger, like helping out with chores.
• Say it out loud: When you see something good, let the person know. “Thanks for listening,” or “I appreciate you picking up dinner.” It really does make a difference.
• Show you care: A simple thank you is great, but sometimes a small gesture—like a handwritten note or a little gift—goes a long way.
• Shift your focus: When you’re frustrated, stop and ask yourself, “What’s one good thing about this person or situation?” It helps keep things in perspective.

Looking for and naming the good stuff in others isn’t just feel-good fluff—it actually helps build stronger, closer relationships. That family at Disney made it their mission to spread kindness, and I think we could all use a bit more of that. When you make it a habit to notice and appreciate the good, you create a more positive vibe for everyone around you.

Here’s to making more room for kindness—in Disney, at home, and everywhere in between.