Back To School Excitement and Stress
And here we are again with “back to school time” on the horizon. If you’re like me, this season brings for you a lot of excitement and anticipation, as well as a looming sense of dread. So many emotions and questions about what’s coming and what the year ahead will look like. We allow feelings of hopefulness to creep in, imagining how much better everything will be if they just get the teacher they want, are in class with a friend that they know, or they make the team they’ve so desperately wanted to be on. All of these thoughts, worries, and concerns can show up in both kids and parents in many ways this time of year.
So what’s a parent to do? How do we handle this back to school time? How do we tolerate the fears, the worries, the concerns, and realistically manage the hope that everything works out. The most important thing to know through all of this is that the success of back to school time rests solely on you, the parents.
Your job right now is to function as the thermostat of your household and not the thermometer. That means you are the one that will determine the vibe and energy of the house. You will model the ability that you know inherently everyone has to navigate the unknown to tolerate distress and worry. You will also be the person that learns and gets comfortable being able to say no to things and set boundaries for your family. This is crucial, even if it feels like you will be missing out. Life will go on, and your family will be stronger, more connected, and create greater resilience because of it.
Below is a slightly edited excerpt from Jen Hatmaker, who shared this Instagram post on August of 2023:
Listen up good. The first week of school is a gauntlet. I wonder how our kids survive every year. Having basically lived in a frat house all summer, they are now expected to sit in chairs all day, pay attention, learn new rules, figure out the social hierarchy, be quiet, and keep at it for 7-8 hours a day.
They are WASTED. If by some miracle they don’t melt down at school, you can bet your bottom dollar they will at home. Prepare to experience armageddon over the after-school snack. They can’t deal. It is like their little minds and bodies went to Marine Boot Camp for babies.
So do NOT, under any circumstances WHATSOEVER, plan anything for the first Friday night/whole weekend of the first week of school. I don’t care if Paul McCartney invites you over for a barbecue. You are staying home. You make exactly zero plans. Zero. Your only job is to keep your wasted children calm enough to fall asleep on the couch by 6:15pm.
“I HATE SCHOOOOOOOL. MY TEACHER IS SO MEEEEEEAN.”
“Mmm-hmmm. That sounds hard.”
“WHY DIDN’T YOU SEND ME A GOOD LUNCH?????”
“We can work on that.”
“YOU DIDN’T GET ME THE RIGHT BACKPAAAAAAACK!!”
“Let’s have a snack.”
They are wild, crazed animals. Do not take the exhaustion bait. Just nod. They are right. Everything is terrible and you did everything wrong. Let them air all their grievances. They need a banana and some water. Don’t ask them a hundred questions about school. Don’t ask them four questions about school.
When they come home Friday, have the lights low, their cozy spot on the couch ready, a soft blanket to cover them with, pizza ordered, and a movie on. THAT IS IT. That is the end of your agenda.
If in an emergency you can’t peel them off the rafters, put them in a Feelings Bath: bubbles, music, a candle, a little snack and drink next to them. This has a 100% success rate. They will NOT WANT A BATH except when you put them in it and they emerge as a calm, regulated child again.
Finally, teachers? Take every word I said above and apply it to yourself. The most you are allowed to do is call Domino’s.
So here I am now officially giving you permission to assess the temperature of yourself and your household as “Back to School” season unfolds, and decide how you want to set the thermostat – then make decisions accordingly. You’ve got this!
Megan